go do what you do best...puke behind churches
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
