nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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