he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
