Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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