Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
