In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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