Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
