I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
