Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
