If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
