I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
