it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
