3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize