I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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