i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
