I think im going to throw up on grandma
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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