That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
