You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
