i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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