I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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