I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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