last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
