Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
