I faked an abortion last night.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
