the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
