I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I will pee on everything he values.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
