Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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