just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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