why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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