My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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