she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How external is "for external use only"?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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