i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
