Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
