I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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