She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
