If that was your dad, he is hot
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My bed smells like the plague
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
