I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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