happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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