Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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