You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
