What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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