He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
