True but thats because hes a fetus.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
