I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
