Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All the doctor said was why
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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