I like my sex mixed with concussions.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
