Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
