wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
