Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
