do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
