someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
