guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
