Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
