At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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