Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
