I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
