woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
