So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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