her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
