i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
