Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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