you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
