bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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