By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
