; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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