I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
