there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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