I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
