words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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