oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
