just tell him i said nine months
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize