then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
