She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
