I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
