walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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