Already got asked if we're dating
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Found your dick twin last night
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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