Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
