sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
