Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
