what day is it and did you see me today?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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