Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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