PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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