he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize