They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
