Well douche your snatch and let's go!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
