Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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