So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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