Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
