You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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