I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
