I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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