I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
