I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
