im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
