Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
false alarm. still invincible.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
