Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
