do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
