It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
