I just pynch a tree in the face
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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