Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
