I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
