I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
