3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
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