so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
