This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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