So drunk its hurt
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
